Obsessive-Compulsive Valentines
By Jenny Traig
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Sweetheart, I've got you under my skin. I'll wash and wash, but you'll never come out.
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Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and I think I left the iron on.
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I'm crazy for you! Get it?
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BE MINE. Wait. That has six letters. Six letters is so unlucky. It's like YOU DIE. That's exactly what it's like. Now you're going to die and it's all my fault.
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Honey, I'm hot for you! It's like a fever. Do you think it's viral meningitis? I bet it is. I touched the light switch and who knows what germs were on there. Then I thought about you, and infected you—it's a viral brain infection, so of course it's transmitted through brain waves, that makes perfect sense. We should probably just drive to the hospital right now.
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You're all I think about. Literally!
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You and me, sitting in a tree—oh, wait, that doesn't sound very safe, does it? Let's say we're sitting on a couch instead. Huh. I wonder who sat on this couch before us. Maybe we should put some plastic wrap down. Yeah, I think we'd better. Is this a new box of plastic wrap, or has it been opened for a while? Are you sure? OK. OK. Let's just say it's new and move on. So we're sitting on a couch, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Except that I kind of feel this tingle on my lip? Like I might be getting a cold sore? Maybe we should just forget the whole thing.
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It's hard to tell, what with all the SSRIs in my bloodstream, but I think I feel something for you.
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I'd touch you without gloves. If I could, I mean.
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I love you. Wait. That didn't feel right. Let me try it again. I love you. Don't think about disease. Don't think about disease. Don't think about disease. I love you. There.
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Sweetheart, I've got you under my skin. I'll wash and wash, but you'll never come out.
- - - -
Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and I think I left the iron on.
- - - -
I'm crazy for you! Get it?
- - - -
BE MINE. Wait. That has six letters. Six letters is so unlucky. It's like YOU DIE. That's exactly what it's like. Now you're going to die and it's all my fault.
- - - -
Honey, I'm hot for you! It's like a fever. Do you think it's viral meningitis? I bet it is. I touched the light switch and who knows what germs were on there. Then I thought about you, and infected you—it's a viral brain infection, so of course it's transmitted through brain waves, that makes perfect sense. We should probably just drive to the hospital right now.
- - - -
You're all I think about. Literally!
- - - -
You and me, sitting in a tree—oh, wait, that doesn't sound very safe, does it? Let's say we're sitting on a couch instead. Huh. I wonder who sat on this couch before us. Maybe we should put some plastic wrap down. Yeah, I think we'd better. Is this a new box of plastic wrap, or has it been opened for a while? Are you sure? OK. OK. Let's just say it's new and move on. So we're sitting on a couch, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Except that I kind of feel this tingle on my lip? Like I might be getting a cold sore? Maybe we should just forget the whole thing.
- - - -
It's hard to tell, what with all the SSRIs in my bloodstream, but I think I feel something for you.
- - - -
I'd touch you without gloves. If I could, I mean.
- - - -
I love you. Wait. That didn't feel right. Let me try it again. I love you. Don't think about disease. Don't think about disease. Don't think about disease. I love you. There.
posted by Hopelessly Depressed at 9:01 AM
10 Comments:
Laughin out loud here. So me.
HAHA! that was so funny... i love the SSRI one :)
LOL...those are some good ones. I won't tell which ones my OCD mind relates to most, but there are a couple of 'em.
Thanks for the laugh, I needed it.
Hugs,
Sid
hehe! That was hilarious. I love it!
Bwahahaha! Happy Valentine's Day.
Wow that was a bit scarey! So mnay of those I truely relate to. LOL
Hilarious! I related to the entire thing!
I am glad you all enjoyed it and hope you had a nice Valentines day.
rofl those are hilarious!
Oh.
My.
Gosh.
I SO NEEDED a laugh today.
I love your blog. You have much to offer, even if you feel directionless.
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